Writer's Block: Available: 3 bedroom, 2 bath, with hot and cold running chills

Would you live in the perfect house or apartment rent-free if you found out a brutal murder had taken place there and it was rumored to be haunted? Why or why not?

Sho.  I would live in that house.  I am, after all, a GODLESS ATHEIST.  That's the thing where you don't believe in ghosts n' shit, right?


It's funny how you can finally get your outside life in order, and yet on the inside it feels like a tornado has fucking gutted you.

All it takes is one person to do that to you.  The only condition is that you have to give a damn about them.  They have to be someone that you love, or else they don't have that kind of power.

It feels like none of that scraping and pushing, none of that hanging in there, even means anything now.  What's the point of succeeding when that person has given up on you?  I feel like I prevailed for nothing; being the last man standing doesn't mean shit.

Just.  Just fuck everything.

No, I'm not sorry for all this emotional bullshit that I'm spewing, but yes, it sucks that I felt the need to dump it all on you, reader.  I just literally have no one to talk to about this--especially now.  But you wanted something lulzy, right?  Here:



I just got back from a gaming convention, and I have an open letter I'd like to share with you cool dudes!  Ahem...

Dear [Homophobic GM],

Shut up about The Gays.  Shut up about transmen, and how ugly or scary they look to you.  I really don't want to hear about how hideous so-and-so looks in a dress, or how you just can't understand how someone could possibly feel uncomfortable in their own body.  Yeah, I don't know what that feels like either--I'm a straight female.  I don't claim to be the voice of everyone who's ever questioned their sexuality or their gender, but you know what?  Just because you don't empathize with someone's troubles, or agree with their opinions and convictions, doesn't mean that you should broadcast your discomfort and revulsion.  Do you even know what you sound like when you do that?!  Frankly, you should be ashamed.

It's gotten to the point that you won't even let people role play as other genders because they don't "do it right," because it disturbs you.  How the living fuck did you get to be the arbiter of how to correctly represent a gender, and how, for the love of god, can I get you fired? 

You might be wondering why I'm so upset about this.  Is it because I have an emotional investment in the issue?  Is it because of what happened to [mutual former friend] when he was outed?  Is it because I'm one of those silly health-obsessed "liberals" that you like to poke fun at?  I'd explain, but I don't think you'd really hear what I'm saying.*

You're my friend, or so I think.  I should be able to say these things to you.  It's difficult when we have less and less in common as time goes on.  You go ahead and think that you're just fine, and I'll continue to question everything that you hold to be true and self-evident--everything that I tried to believe.  I still love you, but let us never speak of the matter again.

Your pal,

*HINT: It's because homosexuals and the transgendered, like atheists, are looked down upon and feared by just about everyone who's been a part of my life.  That's what I get for growing up in a church, I guess.  It just pisses me off is all.  Why do people like her feel so disgusted by the transgendered?  Because they're different, and "different" scares them, even when they're pretending to be "different" themselves.

I think I need to find some new friends.
  • Current Music
    Bathory ~ "The Revenge of the Blood on Ice"
  • Tags
team fucket

Post-Grad Life

It's a little scary, and it's only been one week.  First of all, I'm pretty much scared that I'll never find a real, honest-to-god, full-time job.  The economy still sucks from what I hear (been too busy reading about dead guys to pay attention to the living ones, as usual), and anyway, who's going to want to hire a Fiction Writing major???  Ugh--I still want to go back in time and kick my ass for going to a fucking art school!

Except not really.  I'd be the suckiest writer without Columbia, and no one can be blamed for not being able to see the future.  I knew I'd have a tougher time finding good work than your typical IT major or engineer, but guess what?  Even my stupid cousin--the one who went to Purdue and got an engineering degree--is living with Mommy and Daddy last I heard.  His younger brother?  Another follow-your-dreams art student like me.  He quit his shit-box phone kiosk job recently because he just couldn't take it.  'Sup cuz--I did something along those lines last year!  No, I have plenty of reasons to be ashamed of myself, but trying to follow my dreams should never be one of them!  Unless my dream was genocidal, but that's another story...

But yeah, it's tough when you look around, and you no longer have the self-assured attitude found in the religion that I left behind.  "God is in control" is what I was always taught to quell my fears, whether they were real or perceived.  Looking back, I'm not sure why God's plan was supposed to be a comforting thought, because by all accounts he is a shitty planner.  I'd rather be lost and confused and know that I'm lost and confused, instead of being so sure that everything is fine.  Fuck the illusion, bring on oblivion!  And other fresh-out-of-the-flock-isms.

Anyway, do any of you grown-ups out there have advice for me?  I was thinking of taking a few classes on web design at the community college--just a little something to put on my resume.  Or maybe a Cisco Networking certification?  I DON'T KNOW!!!  Any advice or plain old words--practical or otherwise--would be helpful.

EDIT I forgot to tell you that I have a shitty tumblr now!  Go visit The Beast Not Found in Verse when you have a minute. :D  I'll update it--I promise!
  • Current Music
    "Mercy in You" ~ Depeche Mode
  • Tags


Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In June I put gum in dezembered 's hair (-12 points). Last Saturday nymeria_snow and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). Last Tuesday I pulled over and changed withloveonly 's flat tire (15 points). In May I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last Sunday I turned chain_home_low in for eating carbs (3 points).

Overall, I've been nice (36 points). For Christmas I deserve an XBox 360!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

  This is libel!  Libel and slander!!  I've done nothing but my absolute damndest to be an unlikeable asshole this year, and a sociopath to boot.  Does no one appreciate my hard work?  Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying to instill a little fear and mayhem around here.


Anyway, my undergrad studies are pretty much over for the rest of my life, and I get the vague impression that some of my family members are silently hoping that I'll stay out of school forever now and go "have a real life."  HA!  Boy oh boy, they've got another thing coming!  Anyway, if you're reading this, I hope your semester is over and that it didn't suck, and that your professors didn't screw you over in an ego-induced fit of insanity.

Man, I need to shower. :C
  • Current Music
    cat youtubes

Ugh. You Guys.

This isn't a dead account yet, don't you worry.  No sir, the well of unending self-loathing and whining has not run dry, nor has the gastronomical eccentricity.  I'm just struggling to produce something of worth for my last semester at art school, and am greatly afraid for my future.

Perhaps it's time to go for quantity instead of quality--I don't know.

Anyway, I'll try to put up another cooking journal.  The two dudes I actually talk to on here--heavymetaljaq  and heysawbones --you guys know you're awesome, and if you don't, then let me tell you that you are.  I love reading your journals; even when you're angry about something, reading what you write makes me feel a little more human, and less like a creepy recluse. 

The rest of you, the ones I don't talk to as much, I love you too.  You guys are pretty neato.  Even you, weird Russian spam-bot.

Oh lord, this sounds like a suicide note, doesn't it? Ha ha ha!  Anyway, I better get back to my fruitless endeavors.  I'll talk to you all when I'm done with the semester.  That'll be a couple weeks from now.  I hope you're all doing okay.  Drop me a line sometime! :)

Another Cooking Entry???

Yep.  I haven't done one of these in a while, and I really don't know what to say about my life/current events right now without sounding like a whiny douche.  So here, have a recipe.  (But it's not vegan-friendly--sorry.)

Collapse )

There you have it.  'Til next time, kids! :D
  • Current Mood
    creative creative
  • Tags