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Post-Grad Life

It's a little scary, and it's only been one week.  First of all, I'm pretty much scared that I'll never find a real, honest-to-god, full-time job.  The economy still sucks from what I hear (been too busy reading about dead guys to pay attention to the living ones, as usual), and anyway, who's going to want to hire a Fiction Writing major???  Ugh--I still want to go back in time and kick my ass for going to a fucking art school!

Except not really.  I'd be the suckiest writer without Columbia, and no one can be blamed for not being able to see the future.  I knew I'd have a tougher time finding good work than your typical IT major or engineer, but guess what?  Even my stupid cousin--the one who went to Purdue and got an engineering degree--is living with Mommy and Daddy last I heard.  His younger brother?  Another follow-your-dreams art student like me.  He quit his shit-box phone kiosk job recently because he just couldn't take it.  'Sup cuz--I did something along those lines last year!  No, I have plenty of reasons to be ashamed of myself, but trying to follow my dreams should never be one of them!  Unless my dream was genocidal, but that's another story...

But yeah, it's tough when you look around, and you no longer have the self-assured attitude found in the religion that I left behind.  "God is in control" is what I was always taught to quell my fears, whether they were real or perceived.  Looking back, I'm not sure why God's plan was supposed to be a comforting thought, because by all accounts he is a shitty planner.  I'd rather be lost and confused and know that I'm lost and confused, instead of being so sure that everything is fine.  Fuck the illusion, bring on oblivion!  And other fresh-out-of-the-flock-isms.

Anyway, do any of you grown-ups out there have advice for me?  I was thinking of taking a few classes on web design at the community college--just a little something to put on my resume.  Or maybe a Cisco Networking certification?  I DON'T KNOW!!!  Any advice or plain old words--practical or otherwise--would be helpful.

EDIT I forgot to tell you that I have a shitty tumblr now!  Go visit The Beast Not Found in Verse when you have a minute. :D  I'll update it--I promise!
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Ugh. You Guys.

This isn't a dead account yet, don't you worry.  No sir, the well of unending self-loathing and whining has not run dry, nor has the gastronomical eccentricity.  I'm just struggling to produce something of worth for my last semester at art school, and am greatly afraid for my future.

Perhaps it's time to go for quantity instead of quality--I don't know.

Anyway, I'll try to put up another cooking journal.  The two dudes I actually talk to on here--heavymetaljaq  and heysawbones --you guys know you're awesome, and if you don't, then let me tell you that you are.  I love reading your journals; even when you're angry about something, reading what you write makes me feel a little more human, and less like a creepy recluse. 

The rest of you, the ones I don't talk to as much, I love you too.  You guys are pretty neato.  Even you, weird Russian spam-bot.

Oh lord, this sounds like a suicide note, doesn't it? Ha ha ha!  Anyway, I better get back to my fruitless endeavors.  I'll talk to you all when I'm done with the semester.  That'll be a couple weeks from now.  I hope you're all doing okay.  Drop me a line sometime! :)

Oh. Man.

I said I wouldn't do this, that I was over with Pokemon. I was through wasting my money, and done feeling like Chris-chan every time I'd walk past all the FPS's and shit to pick up a brightly-colored game about collecting cute animals and engaging in Disneyed-up cockfights, but this lineup is too much to resist...

I regret nothing. Don't judge me!

Wait, what am I so worried about?  This is the internet, bitches are all playing Pokemon up here, even though they're adults...  Never mind, disregard the previous!  Aaaaaaaaaaanyway, I know a certain someone who will be unable to say no to those Yorkie Pokemon--maybe I can pull her down into all this child-sized depravity with me!  Hooray for friends!  \(゜ワ゜ )/ 

I can see that they really went all-out on the vendor-trash this time around.  They even have a fucking Zubat analogue (an ugly one at that), along side the usual rat and pigeon that we will all invariably come to hate (unless you love them ironically, as happened with Bidoof, but fuck you man).  Did they even bother making a Zubat type for Sinnoh?  I cannot remember for the life of me.  Whatever.

Either way, you win again, Nintendo.  Now to get some damn homework done...

The Breaking Point

I've reached it.  And guess what broke?  NOT ME!

Well maybe a little.  But who cares?  I came out of this ridiculous writer's block as the victor, and I haven't gnawed my own hands off, and fuck it all, I'm going to just write my stupid manuscript without a single thought as to how shitty it all comes out because you know what?  That's what first drafts are for!  HA!!

Of course, everyone on the planet knows this already.  As usual, I am late to the party, and dressed inappropriately.  Oh well!  Off to do some more fantastic writing--and to meet the August 30th deadline with all 53,000 words of my manuscript, and then some.

Yeah, I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but I've been doing this Summer Novelist's Club thing.  All the other kiddies were doing it, and I knew I was going to go through some serious academia-withdrawal in the time between semesters, so this SNC thing was a good opportunity for a) not slacking off all summer, and b) keeping a shut-in like me in touch with her beloved peers and professors.  It's done alright so far; not only have I stuck to the program best I could, but I even exchanged recipes with my old Fantasy Writing prof.  It's a delicious pie recipe, too, one that involves blackberries and sweet, sweet Chambord...

I'm going to just stop this entry now.  I'll be back to update you guys on my slow, awkward descent into madness.  Bye!

And just what the Hell is in this "dream tea," God damn...


EDITED because holy crap, this thing needs an LJcut!

I have three weeks of this miserable semester left, and then two weeks after this one ends, I will begin yet another.  Such is life... except that lifestyle will end for me (for now!) before the end of August.

Anyway, I have to do a project for my Japanese class.  A group project.  The three of us on my team are to give a presentation tomorrow about sushi, and right now I'm feeling less than confident.  I put in lots of effort on my end--photoshops were made, research was done, and a slideshow has been delicately crafted of history, culture, and a smattering of my trademark acrimony.  Not to brag or anything, but God damn it, I give a shit about this project, even if I think it's stupid!  However, I have no idea what the Hell my partners are up to.  Geography and lack of transportation prevent me from hunting them down and cajoling them in person.  No amount of nagging can really force them to expend any effort though, and sadly, physical violence might prove to be counterproductive in this case.

If I'm to learn anything from the previous three presentations that were already given, the only thing that will save my grade from being dragged to Hell by my two partners will be the ultimate bribery: food.  That's right, your humble servant has prepared a sample of nigirizushi for everyone in the classroom, and it doesn't taste bad at all, considering that it's my first try and all.  This will not only save me from mediocre markings, but it will give the three of us an edge over all those porridge-brained oafs who half-assed it on their own presentations!  Even that noisy fucker who sits to the left of me can't top this with his mangy "kawaii" paraphernalia!  BWAAHAHAHAA!!


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At any rate, it was finished without any catastrophes, and there is one for each classmate, even for my partners, though my childhood hero probably wouldn't let them have any, but hey, I guess she just isn't a pinko social-justice-lovin' LIEberal, right guys?

But let's not end this on a petty political note.  The inarizushi is complete, and provided the inner workings of the universe don't align against me tomorrow morning, this tasty tray will be delivered to my Japanese class, and I will be delivered to academic victory! 

Until next time, kids!  You probably won't hear from me for a while--the semester is far from over as far as my writing goes!

A Rough Patch

I feel like someone's been punching me in the guts while I was asleep.  I attribute this to the grueling elliptical exercises, and to the fact that everything except fresh apples makes me sick now.  This kind of sucks, but what can I do?

Anyway, does it ever seem like you only make things worse for the people around you; like your friends are avoiding you and nobody's had the courtesy to at least tell you that you're a nuisance to them?  Why the fuck do I even bother with people if they clearly don't want to be around me?  No one can tell me that being a hermit is a bad choice anymore, because there's just no way that it's true.

Oh--I can't make myself write anything decent, but I have some pages due tomorrow.  I wrote four pages of action, dialogue, and a little setting, and in spite of the fact that people are interacting and the plot is moving, it still looks and feels like four pages of shit.  In a forest somewhere on a misty hillside, a young sapling cries a single tear of distilled agony, to know that it will someday be mashed and boiled and pressed into clean crisp paper, only to be defiled with my neurotoxic words.  I am sorry for this young tree, but you see, I have this assignment that is due tomorrow...

Something good did happen today, aside from me finally lifting that crippling bounty fine that the library had on me.  It was 32 degrees outside, and I'd found my Best of BÖC album in the car, so I went cruising with the sunroof open.  I didn't even need a coat when I went out--it felt so nice, and everything smelled like melting snow... it made me hope that maybe things will get better soon.

Yesterday, I made a goal for myself, one that I feel I can achieve with no problem.  I will purchase a rice-cooker/warmer some time in the next five years--one with a timer.  It's nice to know that I will achieve one of my future objectives.
Bizarro Obama

Glad That's Over.

I had my last exam today--the chem exam.  I flew right through it, so either I did better than I thought or I failed every single question.  I guess we'll see... but whatever.  This has been the worst past three months of my life, so I'm prepared for the worst. *knocks on wood* Other than that, it's the same old thing around here. 

Oh--except that CHRISTMAS HAS COMPLETELY TAKEN ME OFF GUARD!  Sure, I heard all the crappy music at work, and the house is littered in Christmas decorations, and everything has a festive holiday theme to it now, but I was so buried in work that I've been in this "I have all the time in the world" mentality until literally five minutes ago.  I took a peek at the calendar and saw that Christmas Day is precisely 7 days away.  Damn it all, I haven't gotten all my shopping done!  And how am I supposed to shop when I'm flat broke?! Good thing everyone knows that I'm flat broke--their expectations are pretty low as it stands... TT^TT

But I am going to buy a copy of Bite Me with what little I've for myself.  Screw everyone else--I don't even have any (live, non-book) friends!  And I want that free sketch so bad!! >.<  Ooh... I wonder if it'll be moar naked Luther?

Substantial First Post

Work sucked, I have chemistry homework to do, and I'm starving. I ate a bunch of lumpia, but apparently that means nothing after running two miles. Exercise... feh. If it weren't for my family history towards diabetes and overall fatassery, I'd be havin' none of that!

Well, maybe a little. Like punching bags or a rowing machine.

Anyway, I can't wait for finals to be over! I know I blew one of my classes, and I just want it all to end. I'm sick of it, and yet I'm shoveling out thousands more of the cash that I haven't earned yet just to go to more classes... because I actually do care. Hell, this whole school thing may be a pain in the ass, but I can definitely say that it's been worth it. Of course, it'll be even more worth it if I can find a good job with that degree I'm set to get this May July.

My writing, for one, has certainly increased since I started going to Columbia back in '06. Back in the day that I thought R. A. Salvatore was all that... He still kind of is; the guy knows how to write fun characters, or at least he used to. Wonder what his books are like these days? Anyway, if it weren't for college, I'm pretty sure I'd still be an ignorant little brat who thinks that philosophy's dumb, nonfiction books are boring, and that my parents' political beliefs are the best ones. So on, so forth, all that cliched young-people crap. I can only pretend to know anything through what little hindsight I'm granted thus far, to be honest, so whatever.

That being said, I do believe it's time to go downstairs and find some food. Then... ugh, chemistry homework. I used to think science was cool, and then I took a class about it.

Also: Livejournal, wtf? Why does your spell-check not have "lumpia" in it? Do you not know that your site is saturated with foodies, hipsters, and azn-wannabes?!